By now, if you have been trying to heal from a pathological love
relationship and can't find effective and knowledgeable counseling, you
have probably figured out what we have...that the pathological love
relationship is NOT widely understood.
Frustrated women hear
unhelpful advice from family, friends, and even therapists who label
their attachment to pathological men as 'codependent' or 'mutually
addictive' or merely 'emotional abuse.' Women jump from counselor to
counselor, and from one group counseling experience to another group
counseling experience looking for someone, ANYONE, who understands this
intense attachment to a dangerous and pathological man.
She looks
for some understanding at 'what' is wrong with him. Giving him the
label of 'abuser' doesn't quite cover the extensive array of the
brilliant psychopathic tendencies he possesses. Why did he target HER?
Why does she feel both intense attachment and loathing for him at the
same time? Why do her symptoms resemble 'mind control' more than mere
abused woman syndrome? Why is the bonding with this man more intense and
unshakable than any other man? Is it abuse if he never physically
harms her but has the mental infiltration of a CIA operative?
What
we are finding out from our research with those who have been in
pathological love relationships is that all of the usual dynamics in
regular relationships, both functional and the occasional dysfunctional
DON'T apply to pathological relationships. All of the usual dynamics of
addictive relationships, codependent relationships and dysfunctional
relationships DON'T apply to the pathological relationship, either. No
wonder women can't find the help they need...it hasn't been taught YET!
Our research is pointing towards women who DON'T fit into the
stereotypes of women we normally see in shelters, counseling centers,
and in other abusive situations. These are not women who have the kinds
of histories we normally associate with abuse, nor do they have the
kinds of current lives that fit the demographics of most counseling
programs and shelters. Their personality traits and behaviors fit no
other 'typologies.' And, their current symptoms don't match the simply
'dysfunctional-type' love relationship.
Could it be that the
dynamics in pathological love relationships really ARE different than
other types of relationships? Could this be why women in these types of
relationships aren't helped by more prevalent types of intervention
offered to other types of abusive relationships? Why does the Power
& Control Wheel model seem ineffective with these types of women?
Why are these women LESS likely to seek traditional counseling? And if
they do, why are they less likely to be helped by it? Why are these
women's personality traits so vastly different than shelter women, or
abused women?
Too many women have been through the ringer of
counselors 'not-understanding-psychopathology,' family
'lumping-all-relationship-types-together,' friends
saying-'just-get-over-it' and counseling-programs
'telling-her-she's-just-codependent'. Too many women have stopped
seeking help because they are tired of too many people 'not getting
it.' Psychology has to allow itself to grow beyond a one-size-fits-all
approach when dealing with women emerging from pathological love
relationships, because all relationships are not created equal -
especially when one of them is pathological. Not understanding the
effects of pathology on relationships, self-concept, and recovery deters
a woman's ability to heal. Understanding the DIFFERENCES in these
types of relationships is critical.
The Institute has developed
programs and materials exactly for this reason. We developed our
telephone coaching program for women in immediate need of validation of
their experiences, our retreat programs are specifically geared to
'Healing the Aftermath of the Pathological Love Relationship,' our
Therapist Affiliate Program training which provides other therapists
nationwide the clinical training to help women heal from these types of
relationships, and our 40 plus products all developed to teach pathology
and its related issues to others.
Why? Why all the effort in
treatment related issues? Because the absence of trained counselors is
screamingly evident. Our mailing list asks the question week after
week, 'Can you recommend someone in Florida, Michigan, the United
Kingdom, Canada, California, Oregon...who can help...? Why don't
counselors understand this? Why can't anyone explain to me what is going
on? If one more counselor or family member suggests I am codependent or
a relationship addict, I'm going to scream!' Why is this so hard to
understand?
Much like the beginning phases of the addiction field,
the pathological love relationship field is feeling the same phase of
misunderstanding that other theories of counseling have encountered.
When the field is new or the knowledge is groundbreaking, there is an
overt lack of trained responders. Unfortunately, those who suffer the
new phases are the victims/survivors that wish there were more trained
service providers.
The Institute operates as a public education
project on psychopathological issues, which means we try to train anyone
and everyone in the issues of pathology. This includes the women in
the relationships AND those who are likely to be emotional supports to
women recovering from these relationships. Please bear with what
entails, as an entirely new and emerging field of psychology is trying
to race to catch up to the knowledge of what is needed for this
particular population of people. After all, until we began our research
and writings, no one had even bothered to study the female partners of
psychopaths and partners of other pathological types. No one created
research projects to study the personality traits, histories, and
chronic vulnerabilities of women who have been in these relationships.
So, to that degree, we are virginal in our exploration of these issues.
At
The Institute, we try to be immediately responsive to the needs of
individuals. In the last year we have exploded in growth in our
outreach:
• Our weekly newsletter continues to reach more and more people
• The blogs we write for websites such as Psychology Today and Times
Up! help to reach an even larger audience with the educational value of
our expertise
• Our books, CDs, DVDs are international
• Expanded retreat format, and private1:1's with Sandra and Jennifer
• Telephone coaching has doubled in size
• Weekly teleconferencing support groups
• Therapist Training Programs
All
are born out of our desire to reach YOU! As needs are repeatedly
identified by our mailing list, we try to quickly ascertain how to
develop a program to meet the needs presented. That's because we
recognize that the services available out there are slim. We provide
what we can, knowing that we are a drop in the bucket to the needs that
exist--but an ever needed drop to a thirsty population. So unless we
duplicate ourselves through products and services, many women will go
untreated.
I know for many women who are struggling to recover
from the diabolical aftermath of a pathological relationship that it
seems that too few services exist. Please remain hopeful that along
with The Institute there are other therapists and agencies that hear
your cry and are reaching out for training so they can help you
recover. We too, are always looking at how we can expand our scope and
reach. If you have ideas about how we can help you further, please let
us know your thoughts.
In the meantime, if our coaching programs
can be of assistance please use them. Or if you are a therapist, please
come to our trainings. If you are a survivor, we would love for you to
bring healing to yourself through our phone coaching, support groups, or
retreats. The fact is, the more we learn, the more we can teach. But
we can only do so much. One agency like ours can't heal the world. But
we can teach what we know and assist in healing those who come for
help, which is why we are always encouraging therapists to get trained.
Don't lose heart that there are few services that understand your
unique situation with a pathological. Remain hopeful that in a new
field of psychology, we are growing as fast as we can!
Watch with
us vigilantly, as we see this new field of psychology emerge and
expand! Please let 2013 be the year of healing for you. We've worked
hard so that you have many of our resources that can help you move
forward.
Much healing to you in 2013!
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articles, newsletters, hand outs, websites, books, e-books, power
points, or other written information as well as digital information on
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We take plagiarism very seriously and utilize computer scanning software
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Gender Disclaimer:
The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They
are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B
disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is
approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to
seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage
others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the
issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint.
Cluster B Education is a mental health issue
applicable to both genders.
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