“Be gentle with yourself. The rest of
your life deserves it.” (Sandra L.
Brown, MA)
As discussed in previous newsletters, Post-Traumatic Stress
Disorder (PTSD) is a trauma-related anxiety disorder, and is often seen as an
aftermath constellation of symptoms from pathological love relationships.
Exposure to other people’s pathology (and the corresponding emotional,
physical/sexual abuse) can, and often does, give other people stress disorders,
including PTSD. Our psychological and emotional systems are simply not wired
for long-term exposure to someone else’s abnormal psychology. Often the result
is a conglomeration of aftermath symptoms that include PTSD, which is described
as ‘a normal reaction to an abnormal life event.’
The profound and long-term effects of PTSD create what I
refer to as a ‘cracked vessel.’ The fragmentation caused by the trauma creates
a crack in the emotional defense system of the person. While treatment can
‘glue the crack back together,’ and the vessel can once again function as a
vessel, if pressure is applied to the crack, the vase will split apart again.
This means that the crack is a stress fracture in the vessel—it’s the part of
the vessel that is damaged and weakened in that area.
There are numerous types of therapies that can help PTSD. If
you have it, or someone you care about has it, you/they should seek treatment.
PTSD does not go away by itself, and if left untreated, can worsen. People
often have missed the opportunity of treating PTSD when it was still relatively
treatable and responsive to therapy. The sooner it’s treated, the better the
outcome. But any treatment, at any time, can still help PTSD.
However, what is often not recognized is the ‘continual’
life that must be lived when living with the aftermath of PTSD. Because the
cracked vessel can crack again, a gentle and balanced life will relieve a lot
of the PTSD symptoms that can linger. I have often seen people who have put a
lot of effort into their recovery and NOT put a lot of effort into the quality
of a gentle life following treatment. This is a mistake, because going back
into a busy and crazy life, or picking another pathological, could reactivate
PTSD. As much as people want to ‘get back out there,’ and think they can return
to the life they used to live, often that’s not true. Wanting to live like you did in the past or do what you did before
does not mean that you will be able to. I know, I know… it ticks you off that
the damage is interfering with the person you used to be... before pathology
exposure (BPE). But wanting it to be
different doesn’t make it different.
If you have PTSD, you need to know what to realistically expect in your prognosis.
Consequently, many people’s anxiety symptoms return if their
life is not gentle enough. Much like a 12-step
program, ‘living one day at a time’ is necessary, and understanding your
proclivity must be foremost in your mind.
Living the gentle life means reducing your exposure to
triggers that can reactivate your PTSD. Only you know what these are. If you don’t know, then that’s the first
goal of therapy—to find your triggers. You can’t avoid (or even treat) what you
don’t know exists.
Triggers are exposures to emotional, physical, sexual,
visual, auditory, or kinesthetic reminders that set off anxiety symptoms. These
triggers could be people, places, objects, sounds, phrases (songs!), tastes, or
smells which reconnect you to your trauma. Once you are reconnected to your
trauma, your physical body reacts by pumping out the adrenaline and you become
hyper-aroused, which is known as hyper-vigilance.
This increases paranoia, insomnia, startle reflex and a lot of other overstimulated
and anxiety-oriented behaviors.
Other triggers that are not trauma-specific, but you should
be on the alert for, are violent movies, TV, or music, and high-level noises. Also,
be alert to lifestyle/jobs/people that are too fast-paced, busy environments,
risky or scary jobs, bosses or co-workers who have personality disorders and
are abrasive, or any other situations that kick-start your anxiety. Women are
often surprised that other people’s pathology now sets them off. Once they have
been exposed to pathology and have acquired PTSD from this exposure, other
pathology can trigger PTSD symptoms. Living ‘pathology free’ is nearly
mandatory—to the degree that you can ‘un-expose’ yourself to other known
pathologies.
The opposite of chronic exposure to craziness and pathology
would be the gentle life. Think ‘zen
retreat center’—a subdued environment where your senses can rest… where a body
that has been pumped up with adrenaline can let down… and a mind that races can
relax. Where the video flashbacks can go on pause, and fast-paced chest panting
can turn into slow, diaphragmatic breathing. Where darting eyes can close, soft
scents soothe, and gentle music lulls. Where high heels come off and flip-flops
go on. Where long quiet walks give way to tension release … quieting of the
mind chases off the demons of hyperactive thinking… so when you whisper, you
can hear yourself.
Only, this isn’t a retreat center for a yearly visit… this
is your life, where your recovery and your need for all things gentle are
center in your life. It doesn’t mean you need to quit your job or move to a
mountain, but it does mean that you attend to your over-stimulated physical
body. Those things in your life that you can
control, such as the tranquility of your environment, need to be adjusted. Lifestyle
adjustments ARE required for those who want to avoid reactivating anxiety. This
includes psychological/emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual self-care
techniques.
The one thing you can count on about PTSD, is when you aren’t taking care of yourself, your
body will SCREAM IT! Your life cannot be the crazy-filled life you may watch
others live. Your need for exercise, quiet, healthy food, spirituality, tension
release, and joy are as necessary as oxygen for someone with PTSD. Walking the
gentle path is your best guard against more anxiety, and your best advocate for
peace.
Because of this overwhelming need, The Institute offers
retreats several times a year that focus on understanding your PTSD. Watch for
announcements in future newsletters.
(**If
we can support you in your recovery process, please let us know. The
Institute is the largest provider of recovery-based services for
survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about pathological
love relationships is in our award-winning book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, and is also available in our retreats,
1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more information.)
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