In the previous newsletter, I began talking about the normal
aftermath of pathological love relationships—Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
PTSD is an anxiety disorder that is often reactivated by
‘triggers’. These can include people, places, things, or sensory feelings that
reconnect you with the trauma of the relationship. In the last newsletter, I
talked briefly about the gentle life and how an overtaxed and anxious body/mind
needs a soothing life. I cannot stress this enough: people MUST remember that
their PTSD symptoms CAN BE reactivated if they aren’t taking care of themselves
and living a gentle life.
What IS a gentle life? A gentle life is a life lived
remembering the sensitivities of your PTSD. It isn’t ignored or wished away—it
is considered and compensated for. Since PTSD affects one physically,
emotionally, sexually, and spiritually—all of those elements need to be
considered in a gentle life. Just as if you had diabetes you would consider
what to eat or what medication you need to take, so it is with PTSD.
Interestingly, although PTSD is listed in the psychiatric
manual as an emotional disorder, PTSD has some very real physical effects as
well. In fact, there has been some discussion among professionals about having
PTSD listed in physicians manuals as well, because the untreated, ongoing effects
of acute stress are well-known in the medical community. Since PTSD has both
components of emotional and physical symptoms, someone recovering from PTSD
must take those aspects into account.
Physically, PTSD often becomes a chronic condition by the
time you get help. That means you have been living with it for a while and it
has been wreaking havoc on your physical body during that time. Unbridled
anxiety/stress/fear pumps enormous amounts of adrenaline and cortisol into your
body. This over-stimulates your body and mind, and causes insomnia, paranoia,
hyperactivity, a racing mind/intrusive thoughts and the inability to ‘let down’
and ‘rest’.
A body that has been living on adrenaline needs the adrenal
glands to ‘chill!’ People often complain of chronic insomnia, which also leads
to depression. Depression can lead to lethargy, overeating, weight gain and
hopelessness. It is possible to have both anxiety and depression occurring at
the same time. Unmanaged stress, anxiety, and adrenaline can lead to long-term
medical problems often associated with stress—lower GI problems, migraines,
teeth grinding, aggravated periods, chest pain, panic attacks, and most
auto-immune disorders like fibromyalgia, lupus, chronic fatigue syndrome,
arthritis and MS.
So, CLEARLY, PTSD is something that SHOULD be treated. Physically,
that means going to someone who can diagnose you—a therapist or psychiatrist.
In the early part of treatment, it is normal to take anti-anxiety medication,
anti-depressants or sleep aids in order to rectify your depleted brain
chemistry and to allow the adrenal glands to rest and stop pumping out
adrenaline. Your doctor is the best person to tell you what will help to relieve
your physical symptoms. Some use alternative medicine to deal with those
symptoms. What is effective for each person varies.
Additionally, you need to help your body and brain produce
the ‘good stuff’ in your brain chemistry. This means exercising, eating well,
and learning relaxation techniques. Too much adrenaline has been pumping
through your body with no way to get utilized.
Excessive adrenaline makes you feel jumpy and restless. Exercise (even
moderate walking) helps to produce endorphins in your brain, which produce
those feelings of well-being and help to burn off the adrenaline and any extra
weight you might have gained.
Although during depression you often don’t FEEL like
exercising, you will always feel bad if you don’t get your body moving. Stress
is even stored at the cellular level of our bodies. You must, must, must get
moving in order to feel better.
Eating well means not trying to medicate your depression and
low energy with carbs. When you are depressed your body craves carbs as a
source of quick energy, but the spikes in blood sugar add to the sense of mood
highs and lows. You’ve already had enough ‘junk’ in the relationship—think of
it as nurturing your body with good food to replace all the ‘junk’ that it has
been through. You can greatly help mood swings by eating well.
It’s also necessary to deal with the negative habits you
have acquired as coping mechanisms. Many people with PTSD try to medicate their
anxiety and depression. This could be through smoking, relationship hopping,
sex, eating/bingeing/purging, drugs (legal and illegal), and the increased use
of alcohol. In fact, one of the devastating side effects of PTSD is how many
people develop alcoholism as a result. Any habits you are prone to right now
tend to increase when you have PTSD, because the particular habit becomes more
and more a way to manage your PTSD symptoms. Finding positive coping skills
instead of negative habits is a great step toward your recovery.
Physical recovery also means paying attention to not reactivating your symptoms. Your
physical environment in which you live, play and work must be conducive to low
stimulation. That means low light, low noise, low aggravation. Sometimes that
means making big changes in the people you hang out with—getting rid of the
loud, noisy, overactive, aggressive and pathological. And sometimes it means
making big changes in a job where the environment does nothing but trigger you.
Lastly, learning relaxation techniques is not optional for
people with PTSD. PTSD is a chronic state of hyper-vigilance, agitation, and
restlessness. Your body has been over-ridden with adrenaline for a long time
and has ‘forgotten’ its equilibrium in relaxation. It must be re-taught. Re-teaching
means doing it daily. Take 5 to 10 minutes a day to use relaxation breathing
and allow your mind to unwind. Give positive messages to your body to relax to help
you tap into this natural relaxation, even during times you are not actively
trying to relax. The more you use these techniques, the quicker your body can
relax—even at work or when you are doing something else because it has
‘remembered’ how to.
There are many tapes, CDs and videos you can buy on
relaxation that walk you through the process of relaxation. We have products
created especially for managing PTSD on the magazine site—www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/category/audio-products.
Taking yoga will also teach you how to use correct breathing
techniques that help correct the shallow/panting breathing that is associated
with PTSD and anxiety. Shallow breathing or panting can actually trigger panic
attacks. Learning to breathe well again is a metaphor for ‘exhaling’ all the
junk you’ve been through and releasing it. If you don’t have a relaxation tape,
you can download our mp3 audio on
relaxation techniques. Most important is to just become acutely aware that
PTSD is as physical (and often medical) as it is emotional.
Next week we will talk about PTSD and the emotional effects.
(**If
we can support you in your recovery process, please let us know. The
Institute is the largest provider of recovery-based services for
survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about pathological
love relationships is in our award-winning book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, and is also available in our retreats,
1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more information.)
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