By Sandra L. Brown,
MA
The holidays can be
a very stressful time for most people. The frenzy that accompanies this time
wears not only on the body, but can profoundly affect the mind and emotions. This
is especially true when dealing with pathological relationships. Whether you
are currently dealing with pathological individuals within the family, are in a
marital or love relationship with a pathological person, or are recovering from
a pathological relationship, the element of psychopathic dysfunction adds
another dimension to ordinary holiday stress.
Those who were
raised in families with psychopathic dynamics may carry a vague uneasiness
around the holidays. It may be hard to pinpoint why there is a sense of dread
around this time until one becomes consciously aware of how past dysfunction
has colored the present. Being able to let go and enjoy the holidays can be
difficult. Be aware of your feelings and the circumstances that surround them. Sometimes
just being aware helps to alleviate negative emotions. Be gentle with yourself,
as you need to reprogram how to accept the joy the season can bring, and then
have the ability to enjoy this goodness.
Those who are
currently married to, or involved with, a pathological person know the anxiety
and distress the holidays can bring. The hoopla of the season brings with it an
exaggerated variety of lies, manipulations, selfish behaviors, and drama. During
this time, many behaviors exacerbate for various and obvious reasons. With each
year that passes, many hold on to the hope that something will change for the
better. This will never happen as the psychopath cannot sustain positive
change, nor do they care to change unless change would work in their favor.
For those who are
recovering from a pathological relationship, the holidays can be a mixed bag of
emotions. A sense of relief may be felt by being unencumbered by the
psychopath’s burdensome behaviors. The holidays could be experienced as a time
of joy, instead of a time to dread.
On the other hand,
the holidays are an opportune time for psychopaths to make their way back into relationships.
Most people feel somewhat tender and nostalgic during the holiday season.
Emotions that are running high, coupled with music, alcohol, and the overall
romance of the season are the perfect set-up for psychopathic manipulation back
into the relationship.
During the holiday
season, it is extremely important to keep a sense of balance and peace within
oneself. This is especially true if you are under the stressful circumstances
of pathology. Keeping this time as stress-free as possible will help to keep
you grounded, balanced, and healthy in body, mind and spirit.
v
Maintain
healthy eating habits. It is very easy to overindulge with food during the
holidays. Keep a regular meal schedule, preferably four to six small meals per
day, to keep your body fueled. Be sure to incorporate some form of protein in
your meals. This will help to keep blood sugar levels in check. Also, try to
limit the amount of sugar you consume. Too much sugar will make the body and
mind feel sluggish. Keeping balance in your daily diet ensures good nutrition
for the body, and no unwanted weight gain.
v
Do not
go off prescribed medication at this (or any) time unless directed by your
physician. Also, do not self-medicate.
v
Avoid
alcohol as much as possible. If you must indulge, drink responsibly. The
consequences of excessive drinking can be disastrous.
v
Exercise.*
Walking, jogging, yoga, weight training—whatever is in your normal routine,
keep exercising during the busy holiday season. Exercise makes us feel good and
it’s good for us.
v
Walk
away from dysfunctional behavior as much as possible. Don’t waste your breath
trying to reason with the unreasonable.
v
Do not overextend
or overspend on the pathological person if they are, unfortunately, in your
life. They don’t appreciate or deserve your time, money, or efforts.
v
Avoid
holiday music if it makes you nostalgic for the “good times” with the
pathological. Reminiscing and ruminating about this relationship is a waste of
time during the holidays, and at any other time.
v
Avoid
hooking up with the pathological or with anyone during the holiday season. This
is a vulnerable time and could lead to more poor choices.
v
Talk with
a qualified counselor, spiritual advisor, or trusted friend if you find
yourself overwhelmed during this time.
v
Spend
quality time with those family members and friends who enhance your life. Visiting
and entertaining can add much joy to your life if done with the right people.
v
Keep the
holiday season a sacred time. Whether you follow a specific religion or not,
take some quiet time each day for prayer, meditation, or positive reflection to
keep your mind and emotions in check.
v
Maintain
a grateful attitude no matter what the circumstances, and be good to yourself. Remember,
you made it through another year, life is precious, and so are you.
~
Peace and joy to you this holiday season. ~
*Before starting any health program, please
consult your physician, or a certified or licensed professional in a particular
discipline. This is especially important if you are pregnant or have health
issues.
(**If
we can support you in your recovery process, please let us know. The
Institute is the largest provider of recovery-based services for
survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about pathological
love relationships is in our award-winning book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, and is also available in our retreats,
1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more information.)
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