This week we talk about how
women can level the playing field in court with a pathological. This could be
related to a divorce, separation, restraining order, or child custody. If you
have PTSD, the courts are mandated to offer you special accommodations while in
court to protect you, and to help your level of functioning due to the PTSD.
In order to do that, you must legitimately have PTSD, be
diagnosed and have an Accommodations Report prepared by a professional that is presented
to your state’s ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) Coordinator’s Office. From
there, special accommodations are granted. The range and what the
accommodations are, are listed in the column, “Helping
Women Find Effective
Strategies for Court.”
First of all, PTSD is a trauma disorder. If you are given
the diagnosis, it already implies you have been traumatized. You are going to
court regarding your traumatized relationship, so it fits and supports your
argument in court, as well as the symptoms that have arisen because of this
relationship. If he produced trauma, this needs to be said. If we want the
court to understand pathology, we need to teach through our own experiences and
relationships if we want the court system to change.
Second, PTSD does not necessarily have the type of stigma
you may fear. Our vets that come home from war more often than not have PTSD. Fighting
for our country is honorable—they were doing a good thing, and yet were damaged
from their experience. The same is true for you.
One of our previous presidential candidates has PTSD. Firefighters
and law enforcement that bravely saved many on 9/11 have PTSD. Missionaries
helping the poor in other countries have PTSD. Social workers working in
dangerous situations have PTSD.
I have PTSD. I have lived over 25 years with it. I openly
discuss having the disorder—through no fault of my own. I acquired PTSD from
seeing my father’s murder scene. I have worked with others that have had PTSD
now for 20+ years. And because I am a survivor, I live with the effects of
chronic PTSD daily. I know how it has changed me and my life, my abilities, my
health, and my endurance. I have seen in hundreds of others how it has affected
their lives—sometimes long-term.
If you have it, say it. Nothing starts healing until we
acknowledge it. It is what it is. Some
worry that they will be labeled with mental illness if the court acknowledges
their PTSD. Well, let’s think about that… do you think a pathological is going
to go into court and NOT say you are crazy? You don’t think he will argue every
point of your illness, behavior, or symptoms (whether they are true or not) in
order to win? You don’t think he’s GOING to use some kind of emotional disorder
argument? OF COURSE HE IS—that’s what pathologicals DO!! So, in order to
prevent being labeled something far worse than PTSD, if you have PTSD, let IT
be the label instead of something else that can greatly impair your ability to
get rehabilitative alimony, custody of your children, etc.
Having a PTSD diagnosis before court can greatly help HOW
FAR the pathological can go in trying to make you look mentally ill. PTSD is
NOT a mental illness. Having a PTSD diagnosis may help
prevent them from labeling you mentally ill with other more debilitating types
of mental illness.
So don’t shun the PTSD diagnosis if you have it. It may
prevent you from being labeled something far worse.
(**If
we can support you in your recovery process, please let us know. The
Institute is the largest provider of recovery-based services for
survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about pathological
love relationships is in our award-winning book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, and is also available in our retreats,
1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more information.)
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