Time and again women allude
to the mystical aspects of the pathological with whom they are involved. They
describe them as “being under his spell,” “entranced with him” or “hypnotized
by him,” even “spellbound” or “mind-controlled”.
Women aren’t exactly able to
define what they are experiencing or even to accurately describe what they
think is occurring, but they do unanimously conclude that something is happening that feels like it’s hypnotic. Beyond the ‘hocus-pocus’
of hypnosis lies real truth about what
IS probably happening in those relationships.
Trance happens to every
person every day. It is a natural lull in the body when many of its systems are
resting, or a state we enter when tired. Blood sugar levels, metabolism and
other natural body functions can affect the sleepy states of trance that we
enter all day long.
You’ve probably heard of
‘highway hypnosis’. This occurs when you have been driving and are so
concentrated on the driving or, when you are getting sleepy while driving and
watching those yellow lines, that you forget about the last few miles, and—all
of a sudden—you’re aware that you’re almost at your destination. Highway hypnosis
is a trance or light form of self-hypnosis. No one put you in that state of hypnosis—you
went into it on your own. Check in with most people around 2 p.m. and you’ll see
lots of people in sleepy trances.
But pathology can cause
people to enter trance states frequently. Pathological Love Relationships are
exhausting and take their toll on your body through stress, diet, loss of
sleep, and worry. While you are worn down and fatigued, you are more
suggestible to the kinds of things that are said to you while you are in that
state of mind during which these words, feelings and concepts sink in at a
deeper level than other ideas and statements said to you when you are NOT in a
trance state.
If he is telling you that you
are crazy, or gaslighting you by telling you that you really didn’t see him do
what you think he did, or that the problems of the relationship are because of
you... those statements said to you when you are suggestible stay filed in your
subconscious and are replayed over and over again, creating intrusive thoughts
and obsessive thinking.
If he tells you positives
when you are in trance states, such as “I need you” and “please don’t ever
leave me”, those phrases, too, are stored in a subconscious location, working you
over without your knowledge. When it’s time to redirect your beliefs about him,
disengage, or break up, women feel like ‘old tapes’ are running in their heads.
It’s very hard for them to get these messages to stop activating their
thinking, feeling, and behavior.
Women who have strong
personality traits in suggestibility and fatigability are more at risk of
trance-like states in which words, meanings, and symbols are more concretely
stored in the subconscious. Women feel relieved to find out that they really aren’t crazy—it really DOES feel like
you are under his spell, because, in many ways, you are.
More information on trance
states in Pathological Love Relationships is covered in detail in my book, Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships
of Inevitable Harm with Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists.
In our next newsletter, we’ll
talk about other ways that trance states can be affected in the Pathological
Love Relationship.
(**If we can support you in your recovery process, please let us
know. The Institute is the largest provider of recovery-based
services for survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about
pathological love relationships is in our award-winning book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, and is also
available in our retreats, 1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more
information.)
No comments:
Post a Comment