In last week’s article, we
started talking about the very REAL issue of trance in a relationship with
pathologicals. Women have described this as feeling “under his spell,” “spellbound,”
“mesmerized,” “hypnotized,” “spaced out,” “not in control of my own thoughts...”
All of these are ways of saying that various levels of covert and subtle mind control
have been happening with the pathological. And why wouldn’t it be happening?
These are power-hungry people who live to exert their dominance over others.
That includes your body, mind or spirit. Mind-control techniques, either
physical or mental, are used on prisoners of war, in cults, and in hostage-taking.
They obviously work or there wouldn’t be ‘techniques’ and bad people wouldn’t
use them.
Mind
control, brainwashing, coercion... are all words for the same principles that
are used to produce the results of reducing your own effectiveness and being
emotionally overtaken by someone intent on doing so. The result is the victim’s
intense attachment to her perpetrator. This is often referred to as Betrayal
Bonding or Trauma Bonding. This is
created by:
·
Perceived
threat to one’s physical or psychological survival and the belief that the
captor/perpetrator would carry out the threat.
·
Perceived
small kindness from the captor/perpetrator to the captive.
·
Perceived
inability to escape.
·
Isolation
from perspectives other than those of the captor/perpetrator.
Mind control then produces
dissociation which is a form of trance state. Dissociation is when your mind
becomes overloaded and you need to ‘step outside of yourself’ to relieve the
stress. Dissociation and trance are common reactions to trauma. For instance,
dissociation happens during abuse in childhood as well as during adult traumas
like rape. Prolonged mind control in adults will even produce trance states
where adults begin to feel like they are being controlled—and they are!
If you
have experienced mind control in your relationships, treatment and recovery for
it includes:
·
Breaking
the isolation—Helping you identify sources of supportive intervention, self-help
groups or group therapy, hotlines, crisis centers, shelters and friends.
·
Identifying
violence—As a victim in an abusive relationship, minimization of the abuse can
occur, or denial about the different types of violent behavior that you
encounter. Confusion about what is acceptable male (parental/authority)
behavior is often common. Journal-keeping, autobiographical writing, reading of
first-hand accounts or seeing films that deal with abuse may be helpful for you
to understand the types of abuse you experienced.
·
Renaming
perceived kindness—Since abuse confuses the boundaries between kindness and
manipulation, you may need to develop alternative sources of nurturance and
caring other than the captor/perpetrator.
·
Your ability
to validate both love and terror—Because pathologicals often are dichotomous or
have polar-opposite behaviors such as kind and sadistic, there is often a split
by the victim in how they see the abuser. Treatment may be needed to help you integrate
both dissociated sides of the abuser and will assist you
in moving through the dreamlike state in how you view and remember him.
In next week’s article, we’ll
continue our discussion on other forms of trance states and spellbound
conditions.
(**If we can support you in your recovery process, please let us
know. The Institute is the largest provider of recovery-based
services for survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about
pathological love relationships is in our award-winning book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, and is also
available in our retreats, 1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more
information.)
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