My past two columns, I have been talking about trance states, dissociation, hypnotic suggestion, mind control...all ways the pathological controls your mind, thoughts, feelings, and ultimately your behavior.
This is not hocus pocus stuff. Trance states, dissociation and hypnosis are all normal parts of the way our body and minds respond to certain conditions. The only argument is if these pathologicals KNOW they are doing it to others! My answer would be yes: they are masters at noticing what works on other people. So to that degree, they tweak what works.
Additionally, many of you may be aware of the seminars, books, websites and now TV shows about 'seduction' and the techniques that are taught men about coming in under the radar to seduce women through hypnotic methods. My guess is that the pathologicals are teaching their findings to thers...passing on the horrid knowledge of their own disorders and how to covertly attract women subconsciously into sexual relationships. Appaulling? You bet. Just one more big WAKE UP CALL to women—pay attention and guard your minds.
Trance, mind control and hypnotic suggestion also are based on one's own level of 'suggestibility'. This is related to how responsive you are to the suggestions and opinions of others. The more responsive you are, the more suggestible and more easily you are mind controlled or hypnotizible.
A women's suggestibility is often influenced by her own biology. Women who are highly cooperative and value how others perceive them are likely to be more suggestible. Also, women's fatiguability highly influences her suggestibility.
Almost all women report high levels of emotional, physical, sexual, financial, and spiritual fatigue with pathological relationships. They take a toll on her--wearing her down until her emotional reserves that would normally not give in, are repressed. At that time when her fatigue level is high, her suggestibility is also high. Tired and spaced out, it's easy to get controlled by him.
Messages that are told to her during tired and spaced out times are recorded deeply and yet often subconsciously. "Can't get him out of your head?" is very real.
The women who participated in our research survey on 'women who love psychopaths' showed us just how susceptible women can be to suggestibility, fatiguibilty, and the resulting mind control. Almost all of the women experienced some form of trance, hypnosis, mind control of 'spell bound' symptoms.
Women must understand that 'staying in the relationship to figure it out' or 'see what happens' or 'wait til he works on himself and gets better' is absolutely risky for you. Your ability to be controlled covertly by him is significantly higher than other females.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Am I Under His Spell Part II
In my previous column, we started talking about the very REAL issue of trance in relationship with pathologicals.
Women have described this as feeling 'under his spell,' 'spell bound,' ' mesmerized,' 'hypnotized,' 'spaced out,' 'not in control of their own thoughts....' All of these are ways of saying that various levels of covert and subtle mind-control have been happening with the pathological. And why wouldn't it be happening? These are power-hungry people who live to exert their dominance over others.
That includes your body, mind or spirit. Mind Control techniques are used on prisoners of war, in cults, and in hostage taking, either physical or mental. It obviously works or there wouldn't be 'techniques' and bad people wouldn't use it.
Mind control, brain washing, coercion...are all words for the same principles that are used to produce the results of reducing your own effectiveness and being emotionally overtaken by someone intent on doing so. The result is the victim's intense attachment to her perpetrator. This is often referred to as Betrayal Bonding or Trauma Bonding.
This is created by:
•Perceived threat to one's physical or psychological survival and the belief that the captor/perpetrator would carry out the threat.
•Perceived small kindness from the captor/perpetrator to the captive.
•Isolation from perspectives other than those of the captor/perpetrator.
•Perceived inability to escape.
Mind control then produces dissociation which is a form of trance states. Dissociation is when your mind becomes overloaded and you need to 'step outside of yourself' to relieve the stress. Dissociation and trance are common reactions to trauma. For instance dissociation happens during abuse in childhood as well as adult traumas like rape. Prolonged mind control in adults will even produce trance states where adults begin to feel like they are being controlled. And they are...
If you have experienced mind control in your relationships, treatment and recovery for it includes:
* Breaking the Isolation - Helping you identify sources of supportive intervention; Self-help groups or group therapy also hot lines, crisis centers, shelters and friends.
* Identifiying Violence - As a victim in an abusive relationship, minimization of the abuse can occur, or denial about the different types of violent behavior that you encountered. Confusion about what is acceptable male (parental / authority) behavior is often common. Journal keeping, autobiographical writing, reading of first hand accounts or seeing films that deal with abuse may be helpful for you to understand the types of abuse you experienced.
* Renaming Perceived Kindness - Since abuse confuses the boundaries between kindness and manipulation, you may need to develop alternative sources of nurturance and caring other than the captor/perpetrator.
* Your Ability to Validate both Love and Terror - Because pathological often are dichotomous or have polar opposite behaviors such as kind and sadistic, there is often a split by the victim in
how they see the abuser. Treatment may need to help you integrate both disassociated 'sides' of the abuser, and will assist you in moving through the dream-like state in how you view and remember him.
In my next column, we'll continue our discussion on other forms of trance states and spell bound conditions.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Women have described this as feeling 'under his spell,' 'spell bound,' ' mesmerized,' 'hypnotized,' 'spaced out,' 'not in control of their own thoughts....' All of these are ways of saying that various levels of covert and subtle mind-control have been happening with the pathological. And why wouldn't it be happening? These are power-hungry people who live to exert their dominance over others.
That includes your body, mind or spirit. Mind Control techniques are used on prisoners of war, in cults, and in hostage taking, either physical or mental. It obviously works or there wouldn't be 'techniques' and bad people wouldn't use it.
Mind control, brain washing, coercion...are all words for the same principles that are used to produce the results of reducing your own effectiveness and being emotionally overtaken by someone intent on doing so. The result is the victim's intense attachment to her perpetrator. This is often referred to as Betrayal Bonding or Trauma Bonding.
This is created by:
•Perceived threat to one's physical or psychological survival and the belief that the captor/perpetrator would carry out the threat.
•Perceived small kindness from the captor/perpetrator to the captive.
•Isolation from perspectives other than those of the captor/perpetrator.
•Perceived inability to escape.
Mind control then produces dissociation which is a form of trance states. Dissociation is when your mind becomes overloaded and you need to 'step outside of yourself' to relieve the stress. Dissociation and trance are common reactions to trauma. For instance dissociation happens during abuse in childhood as well as adult traumas like rape. Prolonged mind control in adults will even produce trance states where adults begin to feel like they are being controlled. And they are...
If you have experienced mind control in your relationships, treatment and recovery for it includes:
* Breaking the Isolation - Helping you identify sources of supportive intervention; Self-help groups or group therapy also hot lines, crisis centers, shelters and friends.
* Identifiying Violence - As a victim in an abusive relationship, minimization of the abuse can occur, or denial about the different types of violent behavior that you encountered. Confusion about what is acceptable male (parental / authority) behavior is often common. Journal keeping, autobiographical writing, reading of first hand accounts or seeing films that deal with abuse may be helpful for you to understand the types of abuse you experienced.
* Renaming Perceived Kindness - Since abuse confuses the boundaries between kindness and manipulation, you may need to develop alternative sources of nurturance and caring other than the captor/perpetrator.
* Your Ability to Validate both Love and Terror - Because pathological often are dichotomous or have polar opposite behaviors such as kind and sadistic, there is often a split by the victim in
how they see the abuser. Treatment may need to help you integrate both disassociated 'sides' of the abuser, and will assist you in moving through the dream-like state in how you view and remember him.
In my next column, we'll continue our discussion on other forms of trance states and spell bound conditions.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Am I Under His Spell?
Time and again women allude to the mystical aspects of the pathological they are involved with. They describe it as "being under his spell," "en-tranced with him" or "hypnotized by him" even "spell bound" or "mind controlled."
Women aren't exactly able to define what they are 'experiencing' or even accurately describe what they think is occurring but they do unanimously conclude that 'something' is happening that feels like it's hypnotic'.
Beyond the 'hokus pokus' of hypnosis lies real truth about what IS probably happening in those relationships.
Trance happens to every person every day. It is a natural lull in the body when many of the systems are resting or a state we enter when tired. Blood sugar, metabolism and other natural body functions can effect the sleepy states of trance that we enter all day long.
You've probably heard of 'Highway Hypnosis.' This occurs when you have been driving and are so concentrated on the driving (or when you are getting sleepy while driving and watching those yellow lines) that you forgot about the last few miles and all of a sudden you're aware you're almost at your destination. Highway Hypnosis is trance or lite forms of self hypnosis. No one put you in that state of hypnosis -- you went in it on your own.
Check in with most people around 2 p.m. in the afternoon and you'll see lots of people in sleepy trances.
But pathology can cause people to enter trance states frequently. Pathological love relationships are exhausting and take their toll on your body through stress, diet, loss of sleep, and worry. While you are worn down and fatigued you are more suggestible to the kinds of things that are said to you in that state of mind. These words, feelings and concepts sink in at a deeper level than other ideas and statements that are said to you when you are not in a trance state.
If he is telling you that you are crazy, or gas lighting you by telling you that you really didn't see him do what you think he did, or that the problems of the relationship are because of you...those statements said to you when you are suggestible stay filed in your subconscious and are replayed over and over again creating intrusive thoughts and obsessional thinking.
If he tells you positives when you are in trance states such as "He needs you and please don't ever leave him" -- those phrases too are stored in a subconscious location working you over without your knowledge. When it's time to redirect your beliefs about him, disengage, or break up women feel like 'old tapes' are running in their heads. It's very hard for them to get these messages to stop activating their thinking, feeling, and behavior.
Women who are have strong personality traits in suggestibility and fatiguability are more at risk of trance-like states in which words, meanings, and symbols are more concretely stored in the subconscious.
Women feel relieved to find out that they really aren't crazy---it really DOES feel like she is under his spell because in many ways, she is.
More information on trance states in pathological love relationships is covered in detail in our book Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm with Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists.
www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com
In my next column, we'll talk about other ways that trance states can be effected in the pathological relationship.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Women aren't exactly able to define what they are 'experiencing' or even accurately describe what they think is occurring but they do unanimously conclude that 'something' is happening that feels like it's hypnotic'.
Beyond the 'hokus pokus' of hypnosis lies real truth about what IS probably happening in those relationships.
Trance happens to every person every day. It is a natural lull in the body when many of the systems are resting or a state we enter when tired. Blood sugar, metabolism and other natural body functions can effect the sleepy states of trance that we enter all day long.
You've probably heard of 'Highway Hypnosis.' This occurs when you have been driving and are so concentrated on the driving (or when you are getting sleepy while driving and watching those yellow lines) that you forgot about the last few miles and all of a sudden you're aware you're almost at your destination. Highway Hypnosis is trance or lite forms of self hypnosis. No one put you in that state of hypnosis -- you went in it on your own.
Check in with most people around 2 p.m. in the afternoon and you'll see lots of people in sleepy trances.
But pathology can cause people to enter trance states frequently. Pathological love relationships are exhausting and take their toll on your body through stress, diet, loss of sleep, and worry. While you are worn down and fatigued you are more suggestible to the kinds of things that are said to you in that state of mind. These words, feelings and concepts sink in at a deeper level than other ideas and statements that are said to you when you are not in a trance state.
If he is telling you that you are crazy, or gas lighting you by telling you that you really didn't see him do what you think he did, or that the problems of the relationship are because of you...those statements said to you when you are suggestible stay filed in your subconscious and are replayed over and over again creating intrusive thoughts and obsessional thinking.
If he tells you positives when you are in trance states such as "He needs you and please don't ever leave him" -- those phrases too are stored in a subconscious location working you over without your knowledge. When it's time to redirect your beliefs about him, disengage, or break up women feel like 'old tapes' are running in their heads. It's very hard for them to get these messages to stop activating their thinking, feeling, and behavior.
Women who are have strong personality traits in suggestibility and fatiguability are more at risk of trance-like states in which words, meanings, and symbols are more concretely stored in the subconscious.
Women feel relieved to find out that they really aren't crazy---it really DOES feel like she is under his spell because in many ways, she is.
More information on trance states in pathological love relationships is covered in detail in our book Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm with Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists.
www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com
In my next column, we'll talk about other ways that trance states can be effected in the pathological relationship.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Living the Gentle Life Part 6
Healing Sexually
Over the past month or more we have been talking about healing from pathological relationships and what is involved in that. It requires that you face the damage that has been done and recognize any stress disorders or PTSD that you might have now from the relationship. Then it requires that you change your life in order to heal--change your environment physically and learn how to develop a life style that helps you heal emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and sexually. Today, we're going to talk about the sexual effects of pathological and dangerous relationships. (To read past issues of our newsletters about this subject, go to our website.)Last few weeks we have talked about the spiritual effects of a pathological relationship. Ironically, the sexual effects are also often spiritual effects. That's because alot of the spiritual effects have to do with attaching and bonding on many levels--including spirtually. In a spiritual sense, we have been designed to bond during sexual experiences. Especially women.
(WARNING--THIS IS GONNA GET GRAPHIC!!)....recent hormonal and sexual studies have indicated that orgasms achieved during sex, release the same brain chemicals that are released during BONDING with your baby! This phenominal aspect gives great insight into WHY it's so hard to leave a relationship even if it IS dangerous. Many of the dangerous man types are hyper-sexual--so there is ALOT of sex. Alot of sex = alot of opportunities for sexual bonding through orgasm/hormone stimulation.
Women are by nature, NOT abandoners. Those they 'attach' to or 'bond' to--they stay with. So the more bonded you feel to him, the less likely you are to leave. The more sexually attached (when often feels like spiritually attached) you are, the more confusing it is to detach.Additionally, many pathologicals who are hyper-sexual bring to the relationship alot of deviancy. For the first time in you life, you may have been exposed to sexual behaviors or aspects that you have never experienced. Since pathologicals are great at manipulation, guilt, and rewarding your loyalty, you may have been coerced into sexual behaviors that violated your own morality or normal sexual boundaries.
Perhaps pornography, sexual acts you were uncomfortable with, group sexual experiences, relationship rape, or other sexual violations. Additionally, most pathologicals in their hyper-sexuality are NOT monogamous so maybe you have acquired an STD from him.These deep soul wounds harm more than just your emotions--it harms you spiritually and infiltrates your sexual identity. Women often feel so 'perverted' in what they have experienced they feel like they have to stay with him because no 'normal' or 'healthy' man would want her after what she has 'done' in the sexual relationship with him. In some relationships, true sexual addiction may have occurred. You may feel like you are addicted to him, the sex with him, or sex with anyone. What you have experienced IS sexual abuse within the relationship. However, pathologicals have the wonderful way of making you feel like a willing participant or that it's YOUR deviancy he is responding to sexually.
Remember--they twist and pervert every aspect of truth.The sexual side effects of the relationship can contribute to your overall stress disorder or PTSD. It is an aspect that should be treated in order to re-claim your sexual identity. Untreated, your skewed sexual identity can cause you to continue to sexually act out, continue to cooperate in his sexual deviancy, use drugs/alcohol to numb out your painful feelings, cause increased PTSD symptoms/anxiety/depression or leave you despondent to stay in pathological relationships out of a sense of feeling 'dirty' or 'unworthy' of healthier relationships. It can also impact your spirtuality--driving you away from the solace and help you find in your own connection to God.
From this standpoint, the ONLY way to live a gentle life is to heal your sexual side and to see the damage done to sexuality as part of the overall picture of the after-effects of a dangerous and pathological relationship. Please talk to your counselor about the sexual effects of your relationship.
(**If we can support you in your recovery process, please let us know. The Institute is the largest provider of recovery-based services for survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about pathological love relationships is in our award-winning book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, and is also available in our retreats, 1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more information).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Over the past month or more we have been talking about healing from pathological relationships and what is involved in that. It requires that you face the damage that has been done and recognize any stress disorders or PTSD that you might have now from the relationship. Then it requires that you change your life in order to heal--change your environment physically and learn how to develop a life style that helps you heal emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and sexually. Today, we're going to talk about the sexual effects of pathological and dangerous relationships. (To read past issues of our newsletters about this subject, go to our website.)Last few weeks we have talked about the spiritual effects of a pathological relationship. Ironically, the sexual effects are also often spiritual effects. That's because alot of the spiritual effects have to do with attaching and bonding on many levels--including spirtually. In a spiritual sense, we have been designed to bond during sexual experiences. Especially women.
(WARNING--THIS IS GONNA GET GRAPHIC!!)....recent hormonal and sexual studies have indicated that orgasms achieved during sex, release the same brain chemicals that are released during BONDING with your baby! This phenominal aspect gives great insight into WHY it's so hard to leave a relationship even if it IS dangerous. Many of the dangerous man types are hyper-sexual--so there is ALOT of sex. Alot of sex = alot of opportunities for sexual bonding through orgasm/hormone stimulation.
Women are by nature, NOT abandoners. Those they 'attach' to or 'bond' to--they stay with. So the more bonded you feel to him, the less likely you are to leave. The more sexually attached (when often feels like spiritually attached) you are, the more confusing it is to detach.Additionally, many pathologicals who are hyper-sexual bring to the relationship alot of deviancy. For the first time in you life, you may have been exposed to sexual behaviors or aspects that you have never experienced. Since pathologicals are great at manipulation, guilt, and rewarding your loyalty, you may have been coerced into sexual behaviors that violated your own morality or normal sexual boundaries.
Perhaps pornography, sexual acts you were uncomfortable with, group sexual experiences, relationship rape, or other sexual violations. Additionally, most pathologicals in their hyper-sexuality are NOT monogamous so maybe you have acquired an STD from him.These deep soul wounds harm more than just your emotions--it harms you spiritually and infiltrates your sexual identity. Women often feel so 'perverted' in what they have experienced they feel like they have to stay with him because no 'normal' or 'healthy' man would want her after what she has 'done' in the sexual relationship with him. In some relationships, true sexual addiction may have occurred. You may feel like you are addicted to him, the sex with him, or sex with anyone. What you have experienced IS sexual abuse within the relationship. However, pathologicals have the wonderful way of making you feel like a willing participant or that it's YOUR deviancy he is responding to sexually.
Remember--they twist and pervert every aspect of truth.The sexual side effects of the relationship can contribute to your overall stress disorder or PTSD. It is an aspect that should be treated in order to re-claim your sexual identity. Untreated, your skewed sexual identity can cause you to continue to sexually act out, continue to cooperate in his sexual deviancy, use drugs/alcohol to numb out your painful feelings, cause increased PTSD symptoms/anxiety/depression or leave you despondent to stay in pathological relationships out of a sense of feeling 'dirty' or 'unworthy' of healthier relationships. It can also impact your spirtuality--driving you away from the solace and help you find in your own connection to God.
From this standpoint, the ONLY way to live a gentle life is to heal your sexual side and to see the damage done to sexuality as part of the overall picture of the after-effects of a dangerous and pathological relationship. Please talk to your counselor about the sexual effects of your relationship.
(**If we can support you in your recovery process, please let us know. The Institute is the largest provider of recovery-based services for survivors of pathological love relationships. Information about pathological love relationships is in our award-winning book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, and is also available in our retreats, 1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more information).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)